My path has been different than most paths, but reflecting on my past steps, I needed every single obstacle so that I could conquer those obstacles and become the successful person that I am today. I measure my success on how hard I fought.

I am the middle child of a father who was enlisted in the United States Army. My mom and dad are both from the streets of Washington D.C., married at a young age, new to Army life, and had an amazing child with Down Syndrome. These very dynamics led to a very difficult and volatile household. Dad provided the only income to the household in the early years. He was and always has been a great provider. The problem was he did not have the coping skills to deal with all of those dynamics/stressors, so he coped by drinking heavily. His drinking added another layer of dynamics to the household. Also, he chose to manifest his stress into physical abuse towards his oldest son,me. Fortunately, Dad ended up completely turning his life around when I was 12 years old. It was during the next couple of years that I got to develop a relationship with my dad. By that time, Mom was very burnt out and bitter. Mom left my dad and me, when I was 15. I choose not to go with her because I did not want to leave my home. Mom took my little brother and at every opportunity, made me feel guilty because I chose not to leave with her. My parents subsequently divorced and changed the course of my life. It was around this time I felt the spiraling vortex of depression and self-doubt.

By this time, I was a sophomore in a crosstown rival high school of the very high school where I grew up at and all my friends went to. It was a really rough, transitional period in my life. Sometimes I wonder how no one noticed how much I was struggling. Then again, I developed the skill of deflection and pretending for everyone else. Sometimes I would get attention from my achievements in sports, but they were fleeting. Nothing seemed to get my dad’s attention, it never was good enough. I did not realize that Dad was dealing with his own foggy spiraling vortex. Obviously, I absolutely was not speaking to Mom at the time. My coping mechanisms became negative. I felt that familiar vortex, and it seemed like it was the only thing that I could rely on.

Strangely, my sister was suddenly diagnosed with Leukemia, a form of bone marrow cancer. Sister moved back in with Dad and me, so we took care of her. Once my sister got sick, every waking moment was dedicated to thinking will today be the day, that she dies, but simultaneously doing everything I could to keep her alive. I was 17, a senior in high school, I could not worry about trivial things that normal teenagers think of because I thought I needed to run home before my sister died. My coping mechanisms became very negative and unproductive. By the grace of God, my sister went into remission. Then off she went into the Army.

Unbeknownst to me all the while, Dad and I had been doing really bad financially. It wasn’t until the bank repossessed our house, that I actually realized how bad off we were. I didn’t want to leave my neighborhood and friends, so my friends/neighbors graciously let me sleep on their pullout couch in a small extra room. After a while, they asked me to leave. The problem was,at 18 years old, I had nowhere to go. As a last resort, I asked Mom if I could sleep on her couch, but since she had already gotten remarried,it was their couch. At that time, the hardest thing I had to ever do was to ask my mom and her new husband for help. They denied my request. I spiraled like never before!

 

Being homeless for about 7 months and having that spiraling vortex of depression and self-doubt kicking my butt, I went into the Air Force’s Basic Military Training. In an effort to never be homeless again, I decided to learn a trade and I choose Vehicle Mechanic. I proposed to my girlfriend at that time and I moved to Ramstein Air Force Base, Germany. I met some of the dearest people at Ramstein. I started to find success! I wasn’t used to the attention, it made me uncomfortable and uneasy. I was promoted up to E-5, and then got out of the military. I never spiraled so hard. It was a very dark place!

I got a job that paid $7.25 per hour. The wage was not enough to cover my bills. So, under the encouragement of my amazing co-workers and life-long friend, due to my time in the Air Force I earned a benefit called the MGI Bill. The MGI Bill paid for my bachelors’ degree and I received a scholarship from ROTC. I started to feel success again and this time, it actually felt great. I never believed I would be able to achieve success because it just seemed too good for me, but I did. I had successes, a whole lot of them! I refocused my negative and unproductive thoughts onto positive and productive means of success.

I graduated college with a 3.67 grade point average and commissioned as a Second Lieutenant in the United States Air Force. To this day, everyday I overcome huge obstacles such as my little brother dying from Leukemia while I was in my last semester of college. So, I choose to not only fight for myself, but for all of my family who are looking down upon me from heaven and my brother with Down Syndrome who looks up to me! Additionally, I learned how to believe in myself and to refocus my thought processes.so I won’t go down that spiraling vortex of depression and self-doubt yet again!